Internationally recognized communication skills expert, professional speaker and author, Pamela Jett was one of the keynote speakers at FNCE 2014. Pamela works with professionals to teach them to better understand that “Words Matter” when we are looking to achieve results, make an impact and improve effectiveness.
Sometimes unfortunately our emotions hijack our values and we make a poor choice of words (similar to poor choice of foods) that we regret and want to take back. Jett stated that when we behave in a way that is out of line with our values, we generally know, as we feel uncomfortable.
Pamela suggested asking ourselves “Is making this decision in what I am going to say moving me closer to or further away from the person I want to become?”
Interestingly, passive aggressive communication is usually done to prevent or avoid fuss, but typically ends up creating more fuss! Whereas, assertive communication respects the rights of both parties.
When dealing with a difficult situation, Jett suggested not using the following words:
– I understand
– Calm down
– You shouldn’t feel that way
– I disagree
Instead use words like:
– I see it differently
– This is important I want to talk about it, not this way
– Help me to understand
– Tell me more
Jett also discussed that our brain processes emotions and logic in different areas, so try activating the logic part of your brain by doing some math in your head to reduce your emotional response. Also remember to breathe!